"Don't you think," said St. John, when he had done describing him, "that
kind of thing makes this kind of thing rather flimsy? Did you notice at
tea how poor old Hewet had to change the conversation? How they were
all ready to pounce upon me because they thought I was going to say
something improper? It wasn't anything, really. If Bennett had been
there he'd have said exactly what he meant to say, or he'd have got up
and gone. But there's something rather bad for the character in that--I
mean if one hasn't got Bennett's character. It's inclined to make one
bitter. Should you say that I was bitter?"
Helen did not answer, and he continued:
"Of course I am, disgustingly bitter, and it's a beastly thing to be.
But the worst of me is that I'm so envious. I envy every one. I can't
endure people who do things better than I do--perfectly absurd things
too--waiters balancing piles of plates--even Arthur, because Susan's in
love with him. I want people to like me, and they don't. It's partly my
appearance, I expect," he continued, "though it's an absolute lie to
say I've Jewish blood in me--as a matter of fact we've been in Norfolk,
Hirst of Hirstbourne Hall, for three centuries at least. It must be
awfully soothing to be like you--every one liking one at once."
"I assure you they don't," Helen laughed.
"They do," said Hirst with conviction.
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