While kneeling by her bed, after a paroxysm of extreme agony,
as she had a moment's respite, my mother said; 'Ask her if she is
happy to lift up her hand.' She did instantly and said, 'A kiss,' and
so turned recollectedly to each, with a smiling countenance, while
her dying lips were but just sensible of the impression; then after
another short struggle she sweetly fell asleep in Jesus. So I alone am
left to tell it."
1813.--After adverting to a number of painful circumstances, she
adds:--"Praise God, the seizure of my own body, though by far the most
painful of these occurrences, has been the greatest blessing. On the
first attack I was stupified--but the Lord liberated me and supplied
grace in the hour of need. Thus have I experienced how suddenly
the Lord can take away the choicest of all blessings, health. Being
through mercy again restored, my soul derives its happiness from God.
I see before me broad rivers and streams springing from that
fountain, whence all solid comfort flows; but great weakness, much
unfaithfulness, many omissions and errors in myself. Lord increase my
faith, that I may enter the holiest by the blood of Jesus. For some
time I have met in band with Mrs. W. We have had many precious seasons
together.--A circumstance occurring which was misconstrued, put me
suddenly out of temper, and caused me much pain of mind, besides
displeasing others together with my dear partner. O my God, but for
Thy blood, I should lose all hope of eternal happiness; yet blot not,
I beseech Thee, my name out of the book of life; but if ever my heart
went with my words, I entreat Thee,--
"Chase this self-will through all my heart,
Through all its latent mazes there.
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