O Love, O my God, enkindle me!
Thou commandest continence; give what thou commandest, and command
what thou wilt.
CHAPTER XXX
41. Obviously thou commandest that I should be continent
from "the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the
pride of life."[348] Thou commandest me to abstain from
fornication, and as for marriage itself, thou hast counseled
something better than what thou dost allow. And since thou gavest
it, it was done -- even before I became a minister of thy
sacrament. But there still exist in my memory -- of which I have
spoken so much -- the images of such things as my habits had fixed
there. These things rush into my thoughts with no power when I am
awake; but in sleep they rush in not only so as to give pleasure,
but even to obtain consent and what very closely resembles the
deed itself. Indeed, the illusion of the image prevails to such
an extent, in both my soul and my flesh, that the illusion
persuades me when sleeping to what the reality cannot do when I am
awake. Am I not myself at such a time, O Lord my God? And is
there so much of a difference between myself awake and myself in
the moment when I pass from waking to sleeping, or return from
sleeping to waking?
Where, then, is the power of reason which resists such
suggestions when I am awake -- for even if the things themselves
be forced upon it I remain unmoved? Does reason cease when the
eyes close? Is it put to sleep with the bodily senses? But in
that case how does it come to pass that even in slumber we often
resist, and with our conscious purposes in mind, continue most
chastely in them, and yield no assent to such allurements? Yet
there is at least this much difference: that when it happens
otherwise in dreams, when we wake up, we return to peace of
conscience.
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