Nor had I come yet to groan in my prayers that thou
wouldst help me. My mind was wholly intent on knowledge and eager
for disputation. Ambrose himself I esteemed a happy man, as the
world counted happiness, because great personages held him in
honor. Only his celibacy appeared to me a painful burden. But
what hope he cherished, what struggles he had against the
temptations that beset his high station, what solace in adversity,
and what savory joys thy bread possessed for the hidden mouth of
his heart when feeding on it, I could neither
conjecture nor experience.
Nor did he know my own frustrations, nor the pit of my
danger. For I could not request of him what I wanted as I wanted
it, because I was debarred from hearing and speaking to him by
crowds of busy people to whose infirmities he devoted himself.
And when he was not engaged with them -- which was never for long
at a time -- he was either refreshing his body with necessary food
or his mind with reading.
Now, as he read, his eyes glanced over the pages and his
heart searched out the sense, but his voice and tongue were
silent. Often when we came to his room -- for no one was
forbidden to enter, nor was it his custom that the arrival of
visitors should be announced to him -- we would see him thus
reading to himself.
Pages:
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193