But thou, "O my refuge and my portion in the
land of the living,"[136] didst goad me thus at Carthage so that I
might thereby be pulled away from it and change my worldly
habitation for the preservation of my soul. At the same time,
thou didst offer me at Rome an enticement, through the agency of
men enchanted with this death-in-life -- by their insane conduct
in the one place and their empty promises in the other. To
correct my wandering footsteps, thou didst secretly employ their
perversity and my own. For those who disturbed my tranquillity
were blinded by shameful madness and also those who allured me
elsewhere had nothing better than the earth's cunning. And I who
hated actual misery in the one place sought fictitious happiness
in the other.
15. Thou knewest the cause of my going from one country to
the other, O God, but thou didst not disclose it either to me or
to my mother, who grieved deeply over my departure and followed me
down to the sea. She clasped me tight in her embrace, willing
either to keep me back or to go with me, but I deceived her,
pretending that I had a friend whom I could not leave until he had
a favorable wind to set sail.
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